Wanted: Horde of Angry Self-Righteous Do-Gooders!

There is nothing in Craigslist for me to snark at today. At first I felt disappointed. Then I remembered that that was in fact a good thing! Are we having so much fun snarking that we light up at the sight of something bad?

Remember the Fugly blog in its heyday? Fugly had the right balance of cruelty, whip-smart commentary, and humor. Yes, I said cruelty. Some of what is most funny in this life is a bit cruel. Some of the funniest people I know are abrasive as hell. Remember the comments? Hee! Anatomy of a comment on the Fugly blog comment back in the day: a) description of bodily harm they'd inflict upon the abuser, b) attempt at snarkcasm (which typically fell flat), and c) praise of Fugly.

*Kicks rocks* I want a Mafia! How can I possibly assemble a Mafia when folks in my area are feeding and training their horses? A quick search of the heavily rednecked area from which I came yielded almost no horse ads, which was creepy. Most of the horse dealings there probably involve trades of four-wheelers and meth.

What I'm getting at here is that at one point people almost seemed overly excited to find awful things. I want a Mafia, but I want things to improve enough that I'm unable to form one, you know?

Please don't make a match

Omg Omg Omg.

Three days into posting here at Witty Horse and I'm already dipping into Craiglist for fodder. I'm not going to blast the person writing the ad here. Not in this case, anyway. I'm not interested in going on a classified ads witch-hunt. But I'm going to write about this disturbing juxtaposition of ads posted within days of each other.

First, a witty story! Around this time last year I found myself chest-deep in the throes of a Seasonal Affective Disorder meltdown. Took off to visit a friend for a weekend of shopping, drinking, and snarking. My (non-horsey) pal and I took a cruise through Craigslist personal ads in search of her first ex-husband. We'd already polished off a bottle of red when we found Tripod Box Guy. He had his own place, he was looking for a lady friend, and like the others he had been thorough enough to post a photo of his manly bits. Lurking in the background of the photo of his junk was a pile of junk. Proudly atop the pile of junk was the box that once housed the tripod he was now using to photograph himself.

"Why, someone's in a hurry!" I commented. Oh, Tripod Box Guy. It could have been a match made in heaven. Haste makes waste.

Below are two ads I hope don't make a match. He looks like a sweet guy, and he's priced to (meet a bad end) er, move.

"Buckskin gelding. $1. I am pregnant and don't have time to ride my well broke older gelding. He stands tied,worms, takes vaccines well,trims hooves and loads just fine. I've been told he is a poa, he looks more like a small quarter to me. Buckwheat is utd on all vaccines and worming. He is due for a trim but isn't bad at all. He has a lot of get up and go for an older horse. He will keep up with the younger horses. I frequently take him on 14 mile rides. I don't know his age. The vet says he's around 20 or so. I've had lots of kids on him, I don't recommend him for a beginner though. He does have a little buck if a horse behind him is biting his butt. He has never thrown anyone however.Make an offer. Please don't email. Text or call xxx-xxx-xxxx with any questions. Thanks"




On the next page of ads we have this little gem:

"Unwanted horses. looking for anyones unwanted horses looking to fill my pasture i raise and train horses if your looking for a good home for your horses this is the place email me or call xxx-xxx-xxxx thanks"

I want these two to get together even less than I want my friend to meet Tripod Box Guy. Ugh. Fort Dodge, Iowa Craigslist.