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Monday, December 12, 2011

It's a Shame About Rae

Let's have a bit of a chat about Jaci Rae Jackson, college rodeo competitor, student, and killer of winning Southern Arkansas University rodeo horse Credit Card.

First off, her name. Nothing good can come of giving your child the middle name Rae. "Jaci" is borderline sketch, and Rae drags it right down into mugshot caption material. A classic Elizabeth or even the overused Marie would have been better.

Anyone who loves animals or even has a semblance of right and wrong knows her ass should be nailed to the wall for this. Variations on a theme can be found everywhere, brainstorming as to how she should pay for the death of Credit Card. The whole thing, really, leaves me so disgusted that it sends me back in time somewhere far away. Somewhere dark, vindictive and feral. I'm less County Sheriff and more Regina George. Jaci Rae, prepare to be Mean Girl'ed.

Who exactly told you it was acceptable to shave off your eyebrows and draw them back on with a brown Sharpie? And a bit of concealer around the eye area would camouflage any dark circles. All of us horsewomen who've ever been up late tending to a colicky horse know that. I'm not sure what exactly you know about staying up late with horses, but I hear it involves dismembering them.

Speaking of things that need to be put back together, what's going on with your hair? There are parts that look like they're trying to be straight and parts that look like they were scrunched up together into ringlets with dime-store gel. Which is it? It would be better to commit to either straight OR curly, and make the texture more uniform. You know, uniform like that hot little orange number you have on.

Your facial structure is okay, but do remember that we get the face we deserve. Things like sleep help a person to age more gracefully. With that in mind, we can only guess how quickly you'll go downhill, seeing as we're not sure how you sleep at night.

Is socks with flip flops a look that is encouraged in lockup, or was that a sartorial invention all your own? Maybe go for something more classic that commands respect, like Crocs.

Look, we've all had to endure rejection from a guy. The only difference is we hugged a horse and we cried it out while the barn cats watched, instead of having a horse murdered while we watched. Get the distinction?


  1. I too am a horse person. This story is one that just cuts through your heart. For the life of me I can not understand how a person who herself is a horse person could do such a thing. In addition any person reacting to rejection the way Jaci did is a sick individual who needs to be behind bars possibly forever. She IS capable of harming people!

  2. I want to think she's just nervous and not smirking in the second photo. Please be nervous, Jaci Rae.

  3. She has no concept of right or wrong, no remorse, no soul. If justice prevails she will be behind bars for a long, long time. She'll be with others who think like she does, so maybe she's in for a big surprise when she enters the "big house"!!