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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Shit People Say to Horse Owners

Happy Friday! To pass the time, cruise on over to YouTube and look at "Shit People Say to...." videos.

Here's my "shit people say to horse owners/riders", with a few handy replies!

"I rode a horse once, but it bucked me" ...It did what, exactly? Bucked while you were on it? Bucked and unloaded you? Can you be more specific? You know what, actually, don't - because the phrase "bucked me" gives me the creeps.

"I rode once, but my horse was really stupid" Oh, so you mean it ignored your clumsy cues and elected to eat grass instead. Sounds smart to me.

"Horses are really expensive...*uncomfortable pause*" I know, if I didn't unload all my disposable income on horses I'd have so much more money for recreational drugs. Care to hook me up?

"I would never have time for all that, what with my children's activities. I'd feel too selfish. Don't you want kids someday?" .....I'm barren, but thanks for the reminder. Just kidding! The judge recommended I not have children.

"I'll have to stop out and ride sometime" Yes, you will! I always prep for my ride by de-cobwebbing the barn and medicating the barn cats. Later we can check the live traps and see if that skunk has still been hanging around.

"Nice pants" (from some rando at the gas station) Thanks! They're deerskin fullseats, my favorite. They're a little spendy but so worth it. Guess my husband will have to give up beer and cable tv for the next few months!

"With all the money you spend on horses, you could buy a luxury vehicle/Eat Pray Love vacation/kitchen remodel!" No Lexus deserves the dust/animal hair/dirty blanket collection that I tend to create. Eat Pray Love translates to Groom Ride Cuddle. And nice kitchens are for people who underestimate the value of a kick-ass mud room.

Got any of your own? Feel free to post them! You don't have to sign up to comment - none of that password crap :)


  1. "I've been riding since I was a kid." Me: Yes those trips to Diamond T Ranch to ride half dead qh's on a lead line gives you the experience to ride my appendix mare that bucks.

  2. Woman to 4-H kids who rode in the Christmas parade on a wagon (with rubber wheels) pulled by 2 Halflingers. "you kids should be ashamed making those tiny ponies pull all of you in that wagon - that is cruelty to animals." well, those tiny ponies exist because of their ability to pull wagons, plows, or .... I guess the fact that they have good hay/feed, vet care, pasture to frolic in, and occasional light use for the purpose they were developed is cruel.... reminds me of the anti hunter who tells people to buy meat at the grocery store where no animals are harmed.

  3. "You have horses? My daughter/son/child has always wanted to ride a pony, can I bring him/her/them by sometime for a ride?" Sure, because I want your starry eyed child on my 16h Shire/Percheron cross so that you think its all fun & games when you find a "free" horse that you take home.

    My co-worker said - "I have horses too. I have a (no-name, grade) QH that I bred to the neighbors Percheron. She is going to foal at any time. When the baby is weaned I am going to sell it for lots of money because those Warmbloods are sooooooo special." Yes, because someone is going to buy your filly/colt just because it's a mix breed "warmblood" without any training & God knows what his/her conformation is going to be.

    1. OMG that is so spot-on! I can't count the number of times that people were outright offended that I would not invite their young kids up to ride my arab mare.

  4. "I rode a horse once, but it bucked me"

    Even better: "Don't get too close to it's back end or it will buck you!"

  5. Upon seeing my 30 year old bay Morgan gelding standing near my 2 year old bay QH gelding, "Are they mommy and Baby?" AND "Are they brothers?" AND "How do you tell them apart?"

    "How old is he?" about my mare with a girly face, dressed in all hot pink tack.

    "Do you ride that one?" about the yearling. "It's a yearling." "So?"

    "I went on a trail ride once, the horse bucked all the way down the trail." My husband, referring to riding a 27 yr old Appy mare who JIGGED constantly because he let her, and had a very choppy gait. I couldn't figure out what he was talking about until he described the horse and I realized he was referring to TROTTING as BUCKING.

  6. Wow u own a horse u must be rich! I own a horse i will never be rich.
    Hoses cost too much .... no i paid $$ for a horse that will live 30the years u paid $ for a dog and it will live 15. Its cheaper to feed and vet a horse too.

  7. Woman said to a man who was sitting on a very fat gelding while waiting for a parade to start..." You should be ashamed to be riding a pregnant mare!" A few moments latter, the gelding stretched out to pee and the man said back to her. "Oh my gosh. His water just broke. Look there is a leg sticking out!" The woman turned beet red and hurried away! I bet she still has nightmares about putting her city-foot in her mouth on that one! :-)

    1. Is this for real.... me and my son(9 y/o) thought this was to funny....

  8. You know, above and beyond all the snark I enjoy sharing horses with people. And my horse is chill enough for leadline rides. I just have no patience for people who suggest things they have no plans to follow through on, which is an alarmingly high percentage of people.

  9. OMG, "the judge recommended I not have children." I am so busting that out next time somebody asks me when I'm popping one out. It's so much more nuanced than my usual "NEVER."

    By far my favorite horse question, which I get A LOT as a downtown carriage driver, is, "Is that real?" No. We've invested in the wave of the future: horse-shaped robots.

  10. 1) My mom at a barn: "I smell horse poop. Why does it smell like horse poop?!" Gee, I wonder why...
    2) "How long have you been riding?" "At least 12 years." "Wow! You must be really good!" yeah...no.
    3) I have a TWH gelding, but he doesn't gait. "I heard Walkers are really smooth. Is that true?" "My horse jumps, so I have no clue."
    4) "You have a horse? You must be rich!" I wish.